Getting Busy

Get your minds out of the gutter, people.  Maybe I should title this “Getting Productive” to avoid any confusion.

So, I’ve had a very introspective first two months of the year.  A very successful introspective two months, actually.  As I’ve mentioned already, I’m back to yoga 3 or 4 times a week.  I’m also back on Weight Watchers and am close to hitting the 10 pounds lost mark.  (Halfway to my goal!)  I’m sleeping about 7-8 hours every night.  I’m drinking a ton of water and green tea.  I’m taking deep breaths more often.  I take breaks at work when I start to feel overwhelmed.  I’m starting to feel like I am pacing my body and mind properly – for the first time in a long damn time!

Through all of this, I have become more aware of what I guess one would call a personal roadblock.  It’s like I have this wall in front of my face – keeping me where I am.  I can move side to side alright…  I can move backward VERY EASILY…. but forward, not so much.  A couple of months ago I knew something was off, but couldn’t put my finger on it.  Now, I can see that it is there, that it is of my own making and that there is something awesome on the other side.  I want what is on the other side.  So, we’ve got to get rid of this wall.

What’s the deal with the wall?  Why’s it there?  Working on that part, but my gut tells me it’s simply a fear of failure.  A fear that I’ll try to get where I want to go, be who I want to be – and fall flat on my face.  I’m a brutal perfectionist.  I’m starting to realize that this trait has kind of become my prison.  It’s easy to live the same day over and over again.  It has become mind numbingly monotonous for me – but it’s so EASY.

Ok, so what do I do about it?  Well, what I’ve done over the last two months has helped me tremendously, so I will continue everything I’m already doing – but it’s time to up the ante.

I need to be more productive on a daily basis.  I’m challenging myself to make something every day for the month of March.  (I’ll try to blog about it!)  It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece or anything – even just a poem or a photograph or an origami crane.  The point is to take even just a few minutes each day to create something.  I’m intimidated by this, but I think it’s a great exercise for me right now.

Also, I am reviving my abandoned Etsy shop.  I’m not pushing into unknown territory yet – nothing too wild.   But, I’m revamping the shop to focus more on sewing supplies rather than my previous mish mosh of apparel, pouches, plush and blankets.  I’ll do a mix of vintage and handmade notions, some pouches, pincushions – you get the picture.  More cohesive than in the past, but still very familiar to me.  My instincts tell me this isn’t where I will land forever, but I know that I need a starting point.  The shop could grow and turn into something else – or it could simply provide me with the motivation and inspiration to start a completely new project.  (Those instincts? Yeah, they tell me that is what is on the other side of the wall.)

Okay, enough talk.  Time to get busy.  🙂

p.s. – “getting busy” is what SteveKam calls Layla’s bathroom business.  I promise you there is nothing more chuckle worthy than watching him walk around the yard telling her “Get busy, Layla!”.  Reason #204 that I love that guy.

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6 Comments

  1. Boy, do I ever know how you feel… I may not be a brutal perfectionist, exactly, but I get so bogged down in the “but where is this going?” that I don’t go much of anywhere. My blog is my attempt to focus the scatterbrain, and sometimes it’s really difficult. I’ve had a lot of good feedback, though, and I promise that the more you put out there, the more you’ll get in return. I just need to repeat that mantra to myself now…

    1. I will chant that mantra right along with you. 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement – it is reassuring when you realize you are not the only one feeling this way!

  2. A-Bloody-Men. When I set out this year to do good things for me, I felt great. I made myself blog EVERY DAY. I made myself shoot EVERY DAY. And then I slipped, and holy crap did that feel worse than it needed to. Then I just said “fart it, I guess I can’t stick to anything.” The lesson here is, when you do fail (and failure is natural and not bad), because sometimes you will – and maybe we just need a gentler name – don’t be so hard on yourself. I need to not beat myself up when I slide a little, because the fact that I’m (we’re) even trying is still just so good.

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