7:48am Awoken by cat puking in hall.
(I know 7:48am sounds like a luxurious time to roll out of bed to many of you. Let me assure you that for a childless woman with a cold it is DAMN EARLY.)
7:49am Clean up said cat puke.
7:55am Realize that going back to sleep to finish my dream about solving a murder mystery with Captain Tightpants is not an option.
7:55-9am Wander downstairs, coffee, breakfast, complain to SteveKam about the injustice of being awoken by a vomitous feline. Watch news and complain to SteveKam about all the other injustices in the world.
9:15am Head to grocery store – early to beat the crowds!
9:17am Decide that Hall and Oates Greatest Hits will be my soundtrack for the drive. Proceed to sing along with reckless abandon.
9:28am Enter ShopRite. Home of great prices and wackadoodle shoppers.
9:34am Witness small child groping all the produce he can reach. Decide that I don’t really need red peppers after all.
9:35-9:45am Make way through most of list quickly and efficiently. Note to self that the store is almost empty. Pat self on back for being so productive early in the day. (Refuse to acknowledge how I came to be awake at 7:48am in the first place.)
9:45am Decide to stop in Deli section and pick up dead animal flesh for SteveKam’s sandwiches because I am so nice like that.
9:46-10:01am SUDDENLY REALIZE WHERE ALL THE WACKADOODLE SHOPPERS ARE. Wait in line for number to be called. Small child runs laps around the crowd at the deli while laughing at the top of his lungs. Witness woman break the world record for amount of cold cuts purchased at one time. Acquire SteveKam’s deceased turkey.
10:07am Shopping complete – swoop into checkout lane behind woman whose groceries are already bagged and she’s about to pay – yay!
10:08am Quickly and efficiently empty my cart onto the belt … realize there is some kind of commotion in front of me.
10:09am Overhear (older) woman in front of me say to the cashier, “Okay, thank you, bye!”
10:09-10:14am Witness…. well… this: Unfortunate cashier stops old lady from leaving, reminding her that she has not paid yet. Old lady proclaims, “I don’t have my magic card with me! Do I need that before I can go?” The cashier asks if she has any money with her and the old lady says, “No… But maybe my card is in my bag. I’ll look.” She sits down. Cashier looks at me and sighs. Puts her head in her hands for a moment, takes a deep breath and digs deep to find the resolve to make it through this one. (Working at ShopRite, this would likely not be the first time this has happened to you.) Old lady finds her debit card and even her ShopRite card! Hoooooray! She flashes them at the cashier, who replies, “Great! Okay, ma’am that’s what you need.” Old lady smiles and says “Goodbye!” and tries to leave the store again before paying. Quick bagger grabs her and directs her back to the checkout. After much calamity about how to use her card, she’s all set and on her way.
10:14am Smile at cashier, tell her and the bagger how nice they were to be so patient.
10:15am Smile at little boy behind me in line. He’s probly 5 or 6. His dad is teaching him about shapes. Think boy is cute.
10:15:07am Until he starts trying to lick all my items on conveyor belt.
10:16am See old lady through front window – putting her groceries in car and getting behind wheel. SHUDDER.
10:18am Groceries loaded in the Subie and I’m finally on my way home.
10:24am Stuck at red light. Suddenly realize my windows are down and I am blasting Hall and Oates shamelessly. It’s noticeable to all around me. Feel a little naked inside.
10:26am Spot fellow sage green Subaru Forester that I’ve seen around town. Guy drives like an asshole. Decide to put more stickers on mine to make sure no one thinks I am that asshole.
10:29am Pull into driveway. Children are outside – all wearing foam astronaut helmets. They inform me of their plans to go to space. I tell them this is a great idea. I am assured there is room for me and Kyra on their rocketship. Thank God.
Happy Sunday, everybody. 🙂